The business of reinvention is one of constant checking in with yourself. I think that for best results, absorption in sources of inspiration is a tremendous benefit. That is where I am tonight, reminding myself of my whys, my story and the one I am driving the unfolding of.
Lately, there has been alot of thought on my part about acceptance of who I am. This is coming in several forms: listening to my instinct, articulating a career/life path based on desires, self-love. I am amazed at how much I talk myself out of my instincts. Its in the interest of making the best decisions for us so I think everything through to investigate that it is the most sound or right thing. That’s happens as far down as to what I get for lunch. My concern that this second guessing is standing in the way of strength in focus and mission.
Lets try and make a case for talking myself into stopping or at least seriously curtailing how this rather tired and tiring involved thought process. Right now, reinvention is happening all around: friends and family are creating existences of joy out of thin air by moving to exotic places, taking new jobs, quitting crappy jobs and taking vacations. I have been following a path of thought in the last two years that is accelerating in pace as I notice the first glimmer of the sun on the horizon. In the last few months I have come to realize this is about discovery. I feel its been since the new year where everything before it is in the past and the forms the existing elements in life had are being reintroduced or re assimilated even to build a more sound being.
I suffered a leg injury that resulted in my not exercising too much resulting in trying acupuncture for the first time and seeking a physical therapist in interest of strengthening so I can run again. I have rearranged my job to allow for a schedule I need to pursue other options. The scope of my other options has emerged to be something explosively beyond anything I was thinking a year ago. I literally grasp that anything is possible now. The proof of this is found in the people around me who believe in fabricating their own unique lives. It would be helpful to have mentors with kids to help out with this. Being able to do the best thing for Danaë is the primary factor and the ideas we are coming up with are so far removed from anything I ever knew that I don’t know if or how it works. Then again, that is how it is now. I grew up in the suburbs and am raising a daughter in a city: the grass is somewhere else, the smells are of people: restaurant kitchens, lunch carts, grime, coffeeshops, pizza, cheesesteaks, chinese, Halal food, soap stores, fabric softener, and staircase to public transportation and horse poop are scents of this city. There is a constant hum of people and distinct hiss of the bus, our house attached to the other ones. Shes in care some days at an age way earlier than I was and her Dad is at times the primary care giver. These distinctions are part of an evolution, I see where the haphazard is anything but in the cosmic game.
My attention has been brought lately as well to where I can make adjustments to be more kick ass. Things like keeping my clothes organized, paying attention to what I am doing, making sure to follow through on ideas and projects. Along with this, balancing acceptance and the certain flow.
The gemini dual thing can be exhausting. No wonder I am tired.
Inspiration. Flow. Centered. Relaxed. Focused. Full. Accepting. Prosperous. Grateful. Abundant. Confident being. Larger than self. It is working.