mama hips

May 18, 2010

Can a mama have it all?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , — Kim Pacini @ 2:32 am

To write or not write? Or rather to sleep or push it off a liitle longer? There are so many hours in a day and there’s some shit going on. I feel time crunching and focus a requirement and with that a certain pressure that’s making me squinty and loosing the feeling of the flow that keeps me languid and lucid.

Every minute feels like a negotiation of priorites to determine how that minute is best spent. It’s driving me a little batty- I feel myself squashing others hopes and optimisms if they don’t sound feasible. Always thinking in terms if outcomes. I’m going to be honest and say that I don’t know if existing in the mental space I do is the best thing for me. Huh, that’s a new one. If that’s true, then now what?

Right now, at 10:43 pm, I’m predicting my future exhaustion against how important it is that I keep writing. I could also be putting together danae’s food for tomorrow which is gonna bite me in the ass. I could be fucking off online. I could be uploading photographs.

I want to be the fully engaged, house eclecticly decorated, delicious natural cook, herbalist, ritual brilliant entrepeneur red headed pin up girl style mama that writes with magnificent wit and sexy smart charm.

Three hours last night made all the difference and so I know that is where I want to be. The creative, the open ended, the bold and bright, 2 homes or 1 with a boat load of travel. The obstacle of time. I feel it’s a construct I want to alleviate, much like money; they are dirty partners in a deal for my sunshine and happiness. But no alleviation so I must master but with each level of education I get knowledge but no results so WTF?

Now my head hurts. Sleep’s time. I feel this isn’t what I wanted to write and there’s something underneath but I go to this because it’s familiar. Ive been feeling that for a while and have no idea what it is. Ok, now sleepy. Going to fall asleep a little cleaner, listening to the city sounds.

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