mama hips

August 8, 2010

skipping the party

Tonight, for the first time that I can remember, I am skipping the party. I really wanted to go but when it came down to it, I had a voice that said otherwise. It is a decision that is culmination of a fucking intense week, here goes the rationale:

When I thought about it, the reasons I was telling myself all week for going to the party were ego driven: proof that I can do it all, that I have “it”, engaged and loving mama by day pillar of groove and coolness by night, that even in hard times I can celebrate. I looked to the inspiration of the fire of dancing and the high I get from the bright, big souls that come to the parties to explain how I could not miss this creative and magical party. I was proving something to myself. You know what else tho: this week, I had also been getting messages about experiencing the full experience (Rob Brezny’s Free Will Astrology) and fear of missing out we urbanites we have from Mark Morford @ the SF Gate mixed with a notion of the alternative life me and and about half of the world are now finding ourselves innovating from my fantastic fashionista.

I don’t know what is going on right now but I am very well aware that there are bigger levels it could come to, quickly. I have ran the through the options I am aware of and have accepted the probability they could happen. I then came to remember there is whole lifecycle of, well, a life which gave some perspective.

Within this perspective, I have been able to remove the emotion from the bigger levels and admitted that we have been swept up in the turbulence of a failing economy and fucked up times. Nothing is as we thought it would be so then, what is there?  The best way I know to discover the untapped pressure points of all things divine is to listen to the voice and do only that feels right. I did that tonight. I am here, writing this, listening and loving my husband madly and looking forward to the morning with Danae and feeling fine.

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