mama hips

October 3, 2010

creativity flowing

Filed under: balance, evolution, parenting, revelation, writing — Kim Pacini @ 2:35 am

what a fucking time. everything is lighting up. ideas are unfolding. the image of a creature, running at top speed through the brush of a forrest, heaving deeply feeling whatever is in the rushing air through every cell of her running body; that whatever becoming what she is running to.  Interesting that I have taken to running lately. I cant get enough of it.

listen to the apparent. running. writing. lights. parenting. family. land. home. what comes from you? What do you have to do? the answer to that is the answer to what to do.


May 27, 2010


Im 35 today. Today, I read a breathtaking account of a life’s activities in From the Teeth of Angels and it says something about how we are born knowing everything and when we come outside we become detached and thats the start of it all. Maybe that’s why I like birthdays, a day when I feel on top of the world, at my best, open to celebrate, nothing matters too much, attractive because I am all that matters and I feel good: the way one feels when they are totally connected. The way we felt on the day we were born.

Today, I felt the presence of being blessed.

35 has been a simple day. To say nothing special happened would be to discredit that which happens everyday around here as not being special which is ridiculous. I felt so much joy today..a new dress – a short! dress. I havent wore that hemline in a little while and settled into it the way a sway settles into your whole body when you feel a motown song: familiar and right and good and sexy. I have been the recipient of a ton of well wishes from all over my life. I had general tso’s tofu  for the first time and Joe made me the best tacos I’ve ever had while I played outside with Danaë and her girlfriends Taylor (5) and Sharea (9). My husband and daughter gave me so much love and I am elated to know it will be there tomorrow and the next day and the next. This is my everyday, pretty much. A fantastic place to be and that what 35 is all about.

In this year, I have earned my womanly body with hips that have expanded after bearing a child.

This year, something shifted and I was no longer scared, when the fear passed I was calm and filled with the most natural and elated feeling that I all I want to do it be with Danaë. That taking care of my family is delight like no other.

To make it to 35, I battled some demons and slayed some dragons. Their presence had been there for all of my life; they were the strongest and last to go of a certain set of beliefs I had formulated somewhere along the line. Fear, fear and more fear. See ya suckas! Now that they are gone, I can sit still and listen to what I know is going on. I’m not distracted by a ferocious lion demon with green dragon scales.

I thought 35 was something that would have a nostalgic impact, a wish for something younger. I am pleased, albeit a little surprised, to  say that is not the case at all. the goddess refuses to feel something so trivial.

I see it this way: I thought I wanted to eat more vegetables and all of the sudden I realize I am eating tofu broccoli sugar snap biting sweet delicious vegetable soup for lunch, cashews for snacks, and sweet potatoes for dinner.  It just happened. I thought I wanted more ritual in my life and have brought yule into our family’s traditions while writing the annual birthday ritual. I have excelled at yoga and have started our emergency fund.

As Miss Penny Lane says, its all happening.

March 20, 2010

Sleeping Baby

Tonight, the position my daughter fell asleep on me was the sweetest ever. I think that every night. There is simple resonance when I am with her. She makes me so happy. It’s amazing to what degree life has changed.  I had no idea it could or would. I could not understand the difference and I  can understand when people who see this and think they don’t want their life to change. I felt the same way. What they don’t understand is how life is better; how it has changed because what was needed to evolve.

Evolution is not a bad thing, nor is change. Neither is nutella and strawberries which I am eating right now. This kind of change lets you let go to what does not matter and live by what does. In that, there is freedom and in freedom there is room for all sorts of creative, inspired powerful good sumptuous, sexy hips moving opportunity. BECAUSE, you are free to not care about anything that doesn’t matter. You are too busy. You are too high on the laughter and kisses. You are too consumed with her every movement and sometimes your experience of it.

It’s a ridiculous place to be. I feel that I have started to be swept up on a wave. That its caught me up and I’m gliding on top of it, on it, as it, fluid and part of it. And so what the hell. The momentum feels right and we are happy. It’s okay because I know that regardless of what happens, that every night I have her sleeping on me and really, that’s all that matters.

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