mama hips

July 21, 2010

Estrogen The Mighty

Filed under: balance, energies, feminism, feminist mama, parenting, transformation, working mom — Tags: , , , , , — Kim Pacini @ 12:10 pm

The scope of the world tightens and everything grand and luscious feels like it’s out there, far far away. A big shiny opulescent big titted bird swoops down on me and with those big lady talons she’s got me. And there she is- Estrogen the Mighty has returned. Ravenous, graceful bitch.

It doesn’t seem right to me that the hormone that makes women, women- the sugar sauce that has everything to do with our lovely ovaries and bulbous breasts is one that produces the most agitated state of feminine grace. Could this be another conspiracy of the elusive patriarchy to make us think we are helpless to bursts of maddness? I smell a rat in three piece suit.

So, ladies tell me: how can we channel the fury of our biological thunder to conquer the world?

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June 15, 2010

Dirty and and tired and loving every second of it.

Just when I think I’ve got this, I don’t. Just when I step out a little on either side to fill in the space I I know I can reach I reach it alright but there is a whole new feeling of discomfort there. Same cycle; I just went from the tense phase to the bugging our stage and now am in the what the fuck stage. Dirty and and tired and loving every second of it.

It’s 8 o’clock at night, I just put Danaë to bed. I am writing this post in the kitchen having just finished packaging tomorrow’s breakfast and lunch for all of us, iPhone in hand to give existence to the flow of words in my head.

Five minutes prior to this, I was living the scene in my movie where I standing in my kitchen at the end of the day, romanced by Ann Peebles in my hips when the music swells compelling me to stop take a deep breath, put my hands over head and let all the exasperation out. The sound of the lady blues: I’m doing what mother after mother after mother has done; work at taking care of their babies. For all of us, its work on some level and for most of us we have had the moment when all we can do is sigh and know its all alright and that bed isn’t too far off.

Fucking hell today took a lot of effort. At one point, I literally didn’t think I could handle another second of exerting energy. Physically drawn to walking out and going to sleep, unable to put a cranky, over awake child to sleep and feeling like I have lost my mom superpowers. But I didn’t, and she went to sleep happy and I got a shower and here I am, clean and tired and leaning on the kitchen counter stealing a moment to write and can’t wait to get to sleep with my love.

June 12, 2010

horscope said it was ok to be a narcissist this week

So Rob Brezny, astrologer to this pagan goddess explains my horoscope this week as:

“If you have long conversations with the image in the mirror this week, I won’t call you a megalomaniacal narcissist. Nor will I make fun of you if you paint 15 self-portraits, or google yourself obsessively, or fill an entire notebook with answers to the question “Who am I, anyway?” In my astrological opinion, this is an excellent time for you to pursue nosy explorations into the mysteries of your core identity. You have cosmic permission to think about yourself with an intensity you might normally devote to a charismatic idol you’re infatuated with.”

I find this timely as I am not sure what the hell I am doing, professionally speaking. I know I want to be in business for myself. I know I want to write.

Am I writer? I can say with some sense of emphatically, yes. After all these years, writing has been a constant activity. So what do I want to do about it. I want to write a book and open a program for girls. Easy enough. So, why don’t I go right to there and stop wasting my time looking to do anything other than that? Well, the thing is that I feel that it is going to happen and so I am not all that concerned about it – my question is to how to get there thoughtfully and in a way that is healthy for us. My first priority is getting money in the door and opening up our lives to allow for scheduling, that is time together, that fits our schedules. Maybe that’s why I’m not bugging out – as much as I want change to happen, I know it is happening at rate that is best for us.

I know all these things I want:

I want this blog to be well developed and thought out and to serve its purpose and marketed with clever mastery of marketing channels and have a community of feminists that begin to bridge a new reality by connecting trough the ways they have made their own choices.  I want to foster that change. I see the goddess coming out strong from me these days, in ways I have never seen before but only stood in awe of. At times, I have caught myself in a window or mirror and am so impressed by what I see looking back. Its in this state, I know I can do anything and I am riding on that most of these days.

I know I have a book in me but I need some direction. Some clear guidance. Should it be about me or of another character. What form would be the best way to present the information? What does one need to be writer? how do I develop my craft? I honsetly feel its as easy an editor. strange.

I would love a selection of wines and good clothing. All sustainable and designed by Sarah. and Betsy Johnson.

I would love land and a garden and flowers and I would love to spend days in it; taking  care of it. I would like a fire pit and a deck an hot tub. I want to sit under the stars every night.I want Danaë to run.

I want to be near the water.

I want to have fun.

Baby is stirring….love.

December 9, 2009

the pagan and the ritual

i love the earth, believe in energies and properties and vibrations and the goddess and the great balance and that we are all of the same thing. the presence of my daughter has increased my connection to my intentions, making them very present in my voice and actions. as such, christmas is in direct conflict with my (and my sweet lovin husband’s) direct beliefs. when I asked if we should bring her to see santa, he looked at me like I had 20 heads. all of the sudden, the idea of creating traditions with meanings strong enough to resonate with her past the commercial fat man and presents hype seemed overwhelming. how will i create a well adjusted child that doesnt believe in santa? does she have to not believe in him? how can we teach her that a shit ton of presents is excessive when we all know that grandparents exist to spoil their grandchildren and who am i to deny them of that? i am all for volunteering and think the easy excuse to volunteer at xmas time only is lame and insulting to participate in. i really dont want my daughter to be the kid on the playground that gives santa up to the other kids, crushing xmas and leading to many angry parent phone calls. I want to practice what we practice and be left alone. whats a pagan mom to do?

I have some issues with christmas. Im not into presents for everyone. Im not into formal meals. Im not into lying to my kid. im certainly not into malls and shopping. im really not into santas. I am into spending the day with family and traditions that make it a special day. This is where winter solstice resonates nicely. I love the idea of decorating my house with symbols that tell the story of rebirth and invite the right energies to promote celebration of the light. i do have a thing for the nutcracker  – my grandmother used to take me every year to see the story put on by a local community or highschool drama group.

when talking about the holiday plans this year, I realized I have graduated beyond not liking them because they are perversions of deeper meaning to getting a little excited about creating a space for good feelings and honoring those deeper connections for all of us. we can make the season our own. we do not have to give a ton of presents. instead, we can give one thats made or something like that. we can make the activity season long and let others have their christmas. maybe we do give it to grandparents.

breaking the cycle my friends! here it is again.  make it your own. you dont have to shop or you  can assign value your shopping so it benefits someone else. the commercialism and removal or cutesifying of the earth based elements to the season is gross. its cheap. its a hugely profitable attempt to replace the goddess with a system of values that inspire for the wrong reasons. its not the most wonderful time of the year. if you lived your life balanced then you would be intune that acclaimed magic that everyone talks about througout the year.

bring the goddess back to the solstice season. thats whats feminist. Id love to hear what you and your families do to apply their progressive parenting and lifeliving to the holiday season…please post away what brilliant, heartwarming and genuine traditions you have to the solstice season.

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