mama hips

May 27, 2010

35

Im 35 today. Today, I read a breathtaking account of a life’s activities in From the Teeth of Angels and it says something about how we are born knowing everything and when we come outside we become detached and thats the start of it all. Maybe that’s why I like birthdays, a day when I feel on top of the world, at my best, open to celebrate, nothing matters too much, attractive because I am all that matters and I feel good: the way one feels when they are totally connected. The way we felt on the day we were born.

Today, I felt the presence of being blessed.

35 has been a simple day. To say nothing special happened would be to discredit that which happens everyday around here as not being special which is ridiculous. I felt so much joy today..a new dress – a short! dress. I havent wore that hemline in a little while and settled into it the way a sway settles into your whole body when you feel a motown song: familiar and right and good and sexy. I have been the recipient of a ton of well wishes from all over my life. I had general tso’s tofu  for the first time and Joe made me the best tacos I’ve ever had while I played outside with Danaë and her girlfriends Taylor (5) and Sharea (9). My husband and daughter gave me so much love and I am elated to know it will be there tomorrow and the next day and the next. This is my everyday, pretty much. A fantastic place to be and that what 35 is all about.

In this year, I have earned my womanly body with hips that have expanded after bearing a child.

This year, something shifted and I was no longer scared, when the fear passed I was calm and filled with the most natural and elated feeling that I all I want to do it be with Danaë. That taking care of my family is delight like no other.

To make it to 35, I battled some demons and slayed some dragons. Their presence had been there for all of my life; they were the strongest and last to go of a certain set of beliefs I had formulated somewhere along the line. Fear, fear and more fear. See ya suckas! Now that they are gone, I can sit still and listen to what I know is going on. I’m not distracted by a ferocious lion demon with green dragon scales.

I thought 35 was something that would have a nostalgic impact, a wish for something younger. I am pleased, albeit a little surprised, to  say that is not the case at all. the goddess refuses to feel something so trivial.

I see it this way: I thought I wanted to eat more vegetables and all of the sudden I realize I am eating tofu broccoli sugar snap biting sweet delicious vegetable soup for lunch, cashews for snacks, and sweet potatoes for dinner.  It just happened. I thought I wanted more ritual in my life and have brought yule into our family’s traditions while writing the annual birthday ritual. I have excelled at yoga and have started our emergency fund.

As Miss Penny Lane says, its all happening.

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December 9, 2009

the pagan and the ritual

i love the earth, believe in energies and properties and vibrations and the goddess and the great balance and that we are all of the same thing. the presence of my daughter has increased my connection to my intentions, making them very present in my voice and actions. as such, christmas is in direct conflict with my (and my sweet lovin husband’s) direct beliefs. when I asked if we should bring her to see santa, he looked at me like I had 20 heads. all of the sudden, the idea of creating traditions with meanings strong enough to resonate with her past the commercial fat man and presents hype seemed overwhelming. how will i create a well adjusted child that doesnt believe in santa? does she have to not believe in him? how can we teach her that a shit ton of presents is excessive when we all know that grandparents exist to spoil their grandchildren and who am i to deny them of that? i am all for volunteering and think the easy excuse to volunteer at xmas time only is lame and insulting to participate in. i really dont want my daughter to be the kid on the playground that gives santa up to the other kids, crushing xmas and leading to many angry parent phone calls. I want to practice what we practice and be left alone. whats a pagan mom to do?

I have some issues with christmas. Im not into presents for everyone. Im not into formal meals. Im not into lying to my kid. im certainly not into malls and shopping. im really not into santas. I am into spending the day with family and traditions that make it a special day. This is where winter solstice resonates nicely. I love the idea of decorating my house with symbols that tell the story of rebirth and invite the right energies to promote celebration of the light. i do have a thing for the nutcracker  – my grandmother used to take me every year to see the story put on by a local community or highschool drama group.

when talking about the holiday plans this year, I realized I have graduated beyond not liking them because they are perversions of deeper meaning to getting a little excited about creating a space for good feelings and honoring those deeper connections for all of us. we can make the season our own. we do not have to give a ton of presents. instead, we can give one thats made or something like that. we can make the activity season long and let others have their christmas. maybe we do give it to grandparents.

breaking the cycle my friends! here it is again.  make it your own. you dont have to shop or you  can assign value your shopping so it benefits someone else. the commercialism and removal or cutesifying of the earth based elements to the season is gross. its cheap. its a hugely profitable attempt to replace the goddess with a system of values that inspire for the wrong reasons. its not the most wonderful time of the year. if you lived your life balanced then you would be intune that acclaimed magic that everyone talks about througout the year.

bring the goddess back to the solstice season. thats whats feminist. Id love to hear what you and your families do to apply their progressive parenting and lifeliving to the holiday season…please post away what brilliant, heartwarming and genuine traditions you have to the solstice season.

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